The Ways and Means of Corporate Life
by Lolishoujo16
Summary: Welcome to Seirin Inc. , the company of opportunity and customer service. Wherein all the employees are brilliant airheads, and Kagami, brilliant college drop-out extraordinaire, plunges himself into the chaos. Office!AU


**The Ways and Means of Corporate Life **

_**Prologue: The Newbie**_

* * *

Kagami Taiga, contrary to the beliefs of technically the whole fucking society, especially his parents, was not a dumbass.

So maybe he _did_ barely pass high school. Maybe he _did_ barely pass his college entrance exams. Okay. Fine.

.

.

.

.

-But his brilliance lay in the way his mind worked, and the way he perceived the world as one, big business. Kagami was very business-minded, and he saw profit in _everything_. He knew how to make money out of nothing. He could think of at least twenty different ways to trick an innocent consumer into buying junk. Hell, if he tried hard enough, he could probably sweet-talk some sucker into buying his shirt or something.

Kagami Taiga was smart in a dangerous, non-conventional way.

...And that's exactly why he dropped out of college three days after the first day.

(Without his parents' knowledge.)

This resulted in him being punched in the face by his father, his mom screeching seventeen (yes, he counted) various versions of the classic _'Where-did-we-go-wrong' _speech, and it ultimately concluded in him being (dramatically) thrown out of the house.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING COME UNDER MY ROOF AGAIN!"

"CAN I AT LEAST GET MY CLOTHES- "

His suitcase slammed into his face.

* * *

...Long story short, _that_ was why he was sitting in a drab but quirky office, waiting to be interviewed by the company's president.

Kagami sighed and ran a hand through his hair while surveying the office. He caught sight of a pamphlet, and he grabbed it and skimmed through the contents, bored out of his mind.

_SEIRIN INC. _

_A fresh, new company that is ultimately geared toward customer service and excellence. _(Snorts. "What the fuck?") _With qualified, competent employees and a passion for service, Seirin Inc. aims to assist every individual in their life plans. Come and put your trust in Seirin today! _(At this point, Kagami burst out laughing just as the door swung open and- )

"May I ask what's so funny, Mr. Kagami?"

Kagami shut up.

An average-looking man wearing a white polo shirt and black tie with rolled-up sleeves, along with glasses, came in accompanied by a brunette who was wearing a white blouse and black slacks.

Kagami was guessing the chick was probably the president, because damn did that glare fucking-

Average joe sat on the swivel chair behind the desk and was like, "Good morning, Kagami Taiga. I'm Hyuuga Junpei, the president of Seirin Inc. We'll be interviewing you, of course."

_Well, shit. _

The woman stood beside Average Joe and clicked a pen before scribbling something down on a piece of paper. "I'm Aida Riko, Director of Communications. Where's your resume?"_  
_

_Well, that's fast._ Kagami nodded his head and gingerly held out the folder containing his requirements. Hyuuga took it ("Thank you,") and opened it.

And looked at it for like five milliseconds before saying, "This isn't worth shit. How old are you?"

Kagami's eyebrows shot up in slight offense. "Excuse me- "

"How old are you?"

"...Nineteen."

"College drop-out?"

"Uh... Yeah?"

"And you're looking for a full-time job?"

"Yeah."

"What makes you think a company like us would want to hire a college drop-out like you?"

Kagami shrugged, and laid back on his chair comfortably. He raised his hands and drawled, "Look, you guys just started like, half a year ago. And you have- what, eleven members? You obviously need more manpower. I've also looked into the profiles of your workers. Only one person graduated college, and that's you, Mr. President."

Riko raised an eyebrow, impressed. Hyuuga leaned over his desk and asked, "Why do you want to join us? Be honest. No bullshit."

"...I got kicked out of my house for dropping out of college exactly three days after the first day. I wanted to work for a company that's not all drab and boring. My parents once said this place was a shithole, and I'd fit in it. I have no other choice. I don't fucking know."

And at that moment, the intercom in the office they're in crackled, and a soft voice said, "Sorry to interrupt, but everyone's dying to know, is the meeting still on or- ?"

Hyuuga closed his eyes and rubbed his temples before pressing on a button. He replied exasperatedly, "Yes, you shitheads, meeting's still on. Everybody in the conference room in ten minutes."

A slightly audible _Fuck!_ resounds before the intercom crackles back into silence.

Hyuuga clapped his hands and exclaimed, "You're hired! I'll introduce you to everyone during the meeting!"

"Seriously- "

"EVERYBODY IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM IN 10, 9, 8- "

Kagami heard the footsteps rushing past the door, and he felt a bit afraid of the Communications Director.

"Let's go."

* * *

When Kagami entered the conference room, he realized that this company, had _fucking weird employees. _

There was one guy who looked pretty plain and normal, until he saw that he was rapidly (as in _speed-of-light_ rapidly) punching keys in a scientific calculator while spinning a pencil with his other hand. He seemed to be calculating something. ("Shit," Kagami mumbled, as he realized plain dude was solving a goddamn calculus problem. Or was it algebra? He didn't fucking know.)

There was also this tall dude who was smiling and looked nice, except he was painting. Fucking. Painting. With all the canvas and art palette and shit. He was painting a meadow.

There was another pale, ghostly boy who was disassembling his watch and murmuring. ("This is definitely a rip-off. Parts from Switzerland aren't like this...")

A cat-boy who was chatting with a gloomy-looking fellow about the wonders of genetic diversity.

A smiley-miley dude who was solving and resolving a Rubiks cube.

Two guys who were playing a vocabulary game. (Kagami snuck a peek, and he didn't even know those words existed.)_  
_

A hand thumped his back, and he yelped in surprise. He saw... _Aida? _smirking at him. She theatrically spread her arms and exclaimed, "Welcome to Seirin Inc.! Let's get along, for the glory of customer service!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Oh my god, I don't want to have a welcoming party at Kiyoshi's house- "

"Hi."

"Welcome to the company~"

"..."

"Let's work together!"

Kagami smiled awkwardly, suddenly unsure of his life decisions.

_Holy shit, what the fuck did I get myself into?_


End file.
